Jaida looking beautiful!!!

Jaida had her first ballet recital last Saturday June 12th 2010. She did such a great job and she loved getting all dressed up for it! She has now completed her first year of dance, so she will not go back until the fall. Next year she will be in the pre-school class, and then in February Jorja will start in the Mommy and me class. So next year we should have 2 preforming in the End of the year recital. I cant wait!!!


Getting ready to go on stage.


She can't wait to preform so she acts silly!!!


Jaida reading a book to pass the time before her big performance


Jaida with her Roses from Daddy!!!

Valentines Day with the Family

So for Valentines day Jeremy and I had decided to make it a family day this year, and take the girls swimming. Jeremy's Dad and Little sister were in town and came along. The girls had so much fun! Afterward s they had showers and got into there pajamas and got to eat a special V day sucker that was from each other. Over all it was a great day!

Dragonfly tattoo for Jordon

This is the tattoo I want on my inner wrist with Jordon's name under it.




So I've been thinking a lot about Jordon lately, and one of the things that really really sticks with me is after his death I just couldn't sit there wondering what happened. So I started researching infant mortality. While I was at the computer one day a interesting article came upon the screen about how some Native American tribes used to believe that when babies die they come back as dragon flies. I personally don't believe this, but I do believe God can send us messages through different things on this earth.

Well the summer after Jordon passed away Jeremy and I were outside our house relaxing and all the sudden we had swarms and I mean swarms of little brown dragonflies running into our front window of our house. That's not the only time this happened that summer. It happened like 3 or 4 different days. Also that summer my friend Ali (who was very much a part of Jordon's life) and I were driving down the road at 4o miles an hour with the window just baley cracked and a big beautiful dragonfly manages to fly through the window and land on Ali. It just stayed there for a long time. It was really neat! That happened again in that summer too only it landed on my arm the next time.

I remember just thinking how very strange it all was. That was the only year we had "swarms" of dragonflies that I know of at our house. Every year I see a few random Dragonflies, but nothing like that first year following Jordon's death.


Here is a poem that I love!

The Dragon Fly.

In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs. They could not understand why none of their group came back after crawling up the stems of the lilies to the top of the water.

They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what happened to her.

Soon, one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface. She rested on top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation that made her a dragonfly with beautiful wings. In vain she tried to keep her promise - flying back and forth over the pond. She peered down at her loved ones below.

Then she realized, even if they could see her they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.

The fact that we cannot see our loved ones or communicate with them after the transformation, which we call death is no proof they cease to

Imaginary Friend/Monster

Ok so a couple of weeks ago Jaida started talking to/about this character "Trinitabee". I would notice her playing and talking to it and she would always appear frustrated or mad. So I asked her who is Trinitabee? She replied that he was "her monster" Well of coarse I was curiouse so I asked her what he looked like and she said "he's brown mom" in a voice that suggested that I should have know all monsters are brown.

So this morning after her ballet class (that went great by the way) we are loading up in the car, and Jaida is absolutely refusing to get in the car, because Trinitabee is standing in front of her door and won't let her get in. So I'm trying so hard not to laugh cause she is dead serious. Meanwhile one of the other mothers who was parked next to use loading up her two girls was just looking at us. I didn't know what to do so I just said well Jaida if you don't want Trinitabee here then tell him to leave. To which my daughter turns and yells at the top of her lungs " Go away Trinitabe, just go home, I don't like you". I was shocked that she did it so loud but then she just got in the car like nothing happened. Meanwhile I'm trying to explain to the other mother that my daughter has and imaginary monster and he wouldn't let her in the car, but now he's gone so it's ok yada yada yada. Well she must of understood cause she just kinda laughed and we went our separate ways.

Once in the car I'm kinda in shock as to what just happened, as I'm looking in the back seat at my 3 year old that seems to think nothing out of the ordinary just happened I ask her Jaida where is Trinitabee now? "At home". Oh ok where does he live? " Way way way up in the mountains". Oh so when you ask him to leave he does it? " Yes he listens to me". And that was the end of the conversation. I didn't want to get to into it with her cause it was clear she didn't like the monster.

So this evening when I picked her up from day care I asked her Jaida you do know that Trinitabee isn't real right. "Yes I know, but he sure is mean and he might come to my house and I don't like him to". So any ways I'm not really sure how to approach the whole imaginary friend/monster thing. I'm up for any suggestions.

We Miss You Jordon

Merry Christmas Bubby Boy!

Today is Jordon's 5th heavenly birthday. I can not believe that he would be 5 years old and in kindergarten if he were still with us. I found myself crying over the simplest thing today, I started bawling when I realized that this year would have been Jordon 1st Christmas play at his school. I know of all the things to cry over right. It does seem strange that I would have a school age child running around. I can't imagine what that would be like.

Every year when this day comes around it's like it hit's me all over and I'm right back to that day we found him. I go through it in my head and remember all the things that happened both the morning I found him and the night before when we put him to bed. It's terrible, but I guess I do it to myself allowing myself to re think it every year.

Well I love you Bubby Boy. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and who you would be today. I miss you and I know your Daddy does to. Even tho he doesn't speak of you very often to me. I know he thinks about you a lot. Keep up the good work watching over your sisters. I can't wait until the day that they get to meet you. Love you Momma!

Switching over my blogs from my myspace. I don't want them to be lost. Monday, December 17, 2007 3 Years Current mood: sad Jordon, It's been 3 years since I've seen your smiling face. Everyday I think of you but it seems lately I've thought of you even more. When I see a little kid on the playground or in a store I wonder what you would be like. What you would look like. Would you be smart or in to sports. These things pass through my mind and I know I will never know the answers. I offten wonder what it will be like to see you again in heaven. Will you be a baby still or a grown man. Will you grow and have a childhood in heaven or do you stay forever 6 months old. Will you know me when I get there. Will I know you. These things pass through my mind constantly and I know no one has the answeres but its something I think a lot about. I just want you to know that I love you and always will. I hope you understand why you had to go and arn't upset that your sister is hear on earth with us and not you. I hope you got to spend some time with her before she came to us. And I know you watch over her. I can sometimes swear I see her playing with you. Or having a conversation with you. I'm going to end this letter now but I wanted you to know that I have thought about you every day the last 3 years. I will never stop loving you. I can't wait to see you again. Love Momma P.S. I sing you your song everynight before I go to sleep. Do you hear me? Powered by English Albanian Arabic Bulgarian Catalan Chinese Croatian Czech Danish Dutch Estonian Filipino Finnish French Galician German Greek Hebrew Hindi Hungarian Indonesian Italian Japanese Korean Latvian Lithuanian Maltese Norwegian Polish Portuguese Romanian Russian Serbian Slovak Slovenian Spanish Swedish Thai Turkish Ukrainian Vietnamese

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 Jaida's 1st trip in ambulance Current mood: grateful So Jaida has had a fever off and on for about a week and a half. I thought it was from teething because she hasn't been sick at all. So last night she feel asleep in her swing so I decided to go to bed and told Jeremy to bring her in when he comes to bed. Well I was in bed and had just got done saying my prayers. When I herd a weird scream.The only way to explain it would be to say it was like and older child screaming like they were afraid of something. So I jump out of bed and am running to the office. I see Jeremy running from our kitchen. Which is like the next room.He getts there first and I see him screaming and his face is pail. He's saying Jaida Jaida please wake up please Jaida oh god. SO I take Jaida and am trying to get her to look at me because her eyes are open. But she is stiff and can not move. Jeremy called 911 while I tried to snap Jaida out of it. I thought she was dying in my arms. So I layed her on the floor and checked her air way. There was nothing. So I gave her 2 breaths because I didn't think she was breathhing. She took a gasp of air. Then she started to snap out of it alittle. By the time the perimedics got there she was almost normal. But we took her temt. and it was 104.4 and her heart was racing. So then when the peremedic's got there they also took her temp and it was 103.2. So then we got her in the ambulance. They said she had a seizure. My poor little baby. So we get to the hospital. and they had to give her a cathiter,blood work,chest scan, and then a shot in each leg of antibiotic. (Which she also had today. and will have tommarow) It turns out she had a urinary tract infection. and I didn't know. I asked how you can tell in babies? And they said you can't other then them having a fever that won't break. and keeps coming back. So ya we had a long night. It was so scary because everything that happened was the same as the morning Jordon died. The way Jeremy screamed for her to wake up,the look on his face, the way my whole body got numb and scared. It was a very emotional night for me. Jeremy took Jaida to get her chest ex ray.and I stayed in the hospital room and just bawled my eyes out. I must have been pretty loud cause the nurse (whomb I went to high school with) came in and asked if I needed anything. So ya it was one of the scarest things that has happened to me. And I know that there is a lot of spelling/grammer error's in this but I havn't got much sleep. I'm to afraid to sleep. I feel like I have to watch her constantly.

Saturday, January 27, 2007 What makes a mother Current mood: drained Category: Writing and Poetry WHAT MAKES A MOTHER? I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say: A Mother has a baby this we know is true. But God can you be a mother when your baby's not with you? Yes, you can He replied with confidence in His voice. I give many women babies when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day. And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this, God I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other children and say: "We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me and I learned my lesson very quickly so the Lord has set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep on her pillow that's where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear: "Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweet one your children are ok. Your babies are here in my home and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with me until your lesson is through. And on that day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start. I got this off a friend of mines page. Before I had Jaida I wondered all the time if I could still call my self a mother. I always did but I wondered how people took it because I no longer had a child. I remember my first mothers day after Jordon had passed. Everyone including my husband forgot to wish me a happy mothers day. Then I went to the Maurer's for a mothers day bbq. And Rachel and Chris had bought me a mothers day gift. It was so sweet. Jeremy felt so bad that he forgot to tell me happy mothers day. He said he forgot because we no longer had a child. And I was so hurt because I felt like we still did. I still caried him for 9 months. I still gave birth to him. I still cared for him for 6 months before he had passed away. I explained this to him. And he agreed and felt really bad. SO now he always does something special. I never no what to say when people ask is this your first child. I always say she's my second. and that always make them ask oh how old is your first? Then I have to explain to them That my first would have been 2 1/2 but he passed away when he was 6 months old. Then I have to look at there faces as they get this worried look on there face. Wondering if they have said something wrong. To me it feels good to tell them about Jordon being my first because he is. But then I feel bad that they feel bad. Jeremy never knows what to say to them so he will just drop the conversation and look at me to finish. Because he dosn't want to make them feel ocward. (sp?) But I can't just not say anything. He still was and is my son. I have a terriable cold and so does Jaida. We are all congested. It makes me nervouse for her to get sick. Because we did not get her vaccinated in fear she would have and alergic reaction like her brother. The doctor said that if one of your kids has a reation to there shots then more then likely so would your other children. Jeremy is so scared about wooping cough he wants to give her her shots, but I'm scared she will stop breathing. So were kind of torn right now as to what to do. Well that is all for now. -Jolee

Wednesday, January 10, 2007 A song for Jordon :) Current mood: grateful Category: Music Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) Home (2002) Dragon tales and the "water is wide" Pirate's sail and lost boys fly Fish bite moonbeams every night And I love you Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Sweet dreams The rocket racer's all tuckered out Superman's in pajamas on the couch Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse And I love you Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Sweet dreams God bless mommy and match box cars God bless dad and thanks for the stars God hears "Amen," wherever we are And I love you Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Godspeed Sweet dreams This is a song I sing when I think about Jordon. If you've never herd it it is worth hearing. It's the sweetest lullibye I've ever herd. BEAUTIFUL!

Sunday, December 17, 2006 I love you Jordon Category: Life Today is the 2 year anniversery of my son Jordon's death. It's hard to believe that he has been gone 2 years already. Sometimes I get so worried that the longer it's been the more I will forget about. Not him just little memories of him. But I know that I will see him again. It just seem like such a long time away :( I miss him every day. And I'm sure I always will.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 Jaida's Big Day Is Near Category: Life Ok so I went to the doctor today and he said I'm dialated to 3 and I'm 70% effaced. So he thinks I'll go in the next couple of days. If not then In a week (on Jeremy's B-Day) he will strip my membrains to put me in labbor. I can't belive it's already hear. Please pray for a safe delivery and healthy baby. Lots of Love Jeremy and Jolee

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 Baby girl Current mood: excited Category: Life So I just wanted to write a blog to let everyone know that Jeremy and I are having a girl. The name we have decided is Jaida Rose. I am due on Dec. 5th but I think I will have her the week of thanksgiving. I had my son Jordon a few weeks early so I think I'll go early with this one too. I hope I talk to you all soon

Halloween 09

Jaida getting in Debbie's Van to go trick or treating.
Jaida Playing in the balloon pit.

The girls visiting Daddy at work
Debbie's yummy Halloween Cake :)
Jaida & Jorja (in background) waiting patiently to eat the cake.
Jaida eating her yummy cake. :)

Jorja eating her first choc. cake ever! Oh boy did she love it!
Jaida & Jorja @ Daddy's office
Jaida being her beautiful self at Daddy Jeremy's office.